12 September 2007

My First Kill

dutOne of my first serious stories I wrote. Enjoy!

06/17/07; CEREBRAL MINI 1 (My First Kill; Natalie); OutsiderXE

‘''I killed her’. It was the first thing I could admit to myself after reaching the last step of what doctors call ‘The Psychological Phases of Serial Killers.’'

I had a happy childhood, for the most of my time. But even then I always had the feeling that I perceived the world around me a bit differently than others. I know what you think, everybody dreams of being a superhero now and then, maybe even as you grow up you do, but how long is this phase supposed to take anyway? But before I get ahead of myself I’ll tell you a bit about my youth and the time I met ‘her’. As I said I always liked superheroes, still do. My parents never had enough money to buy me a costume so I had to create one for myself. I cut out pieces of cardboard in the shape of Batman’s ears and sticked them to the hood of an old coat I had. Voila! A new ‘Dark Knight’ was born! Other than that I may have gotten my hands on a cowboy costume, but that wasn’t a real superhero thing for me. Real superheroes mask themselves and struggle with their social lifes as much as they do in their alter-ego lifes. You’re right, I don’t like Superman. Too powerful, too colorful, and glasses to hide behind? Come on!
I can’t remember which summer it was, only that it was a long time ago when my brother introduced me to her. Melanie. She had a fair form and face, and all her body parts were still intact. I liked her and I got the feeling that she liked me back. I visited her quite frequently though her parents were always there, but I believe I got along with them nicely. When asked if she could come to my place I always refused. I still had all my superhero posters around my room and my Batman costume was still hanging in my wardrobe. I was embarassed but still too lazy for a room-makeover. After a while she seemd to have gotten bored with my excuses and moved on! That bitch! Can you imagine? Just when we were falling in love with each other she ditched me, like I was crap!
I couldn’t stop thinking about her and knew that I had to see her again, even though the feeling may not have been mutual. I followed her to her school, her library, her doorstep. People use a bad word like ‘stalking’ to describe behaviour like that. I disagree, I wasn’t stalking, just carefully observing to see what I might not have had that she was looking for in a man.

''They were looking for a 'signature', "a personal detail that is unique to the individual, why I did it: the thing that fulfills me emotionally". Control. Chaining others is better than being chained yourself.''

One day I ‘accidentally’ bumped into her. I smiled, she seemed distant, but one way or another we got hooked up in a conversation and talked about our past. Nothing too serious, just a funny chat between old friends. Eventually she gave me her new phone number (her parents had to change the old one due to a prank caller) and we met a few times at different places. She did not have a boyfriend at that time. After a while we got to the topic of visiting my place. It was actually me who invited her over one night. I had prepared a few surprises and I was glad that she finally had agreed to come. I’m not a good cook, never been, so I didn’t prepare the meal myself. Instead I called a pizza taxi and ordered two salamis with extra cheese. No point in wasting time and effort into somethig you know neither of you will like, though I did buy and serve some wine. I even put an extra cookie next to her meal, I knew she would like those.
Soon after she had finished her pizza she seemed sleepy and dozed off. She looked, cute, a sleeping beauty. I brought her downstairs and lay her on a bed. I tied her up so she wouldn’t fall down and hurt herself. I wanted to take care of her for the rest of the night, so that in the morning, when she would wake up, she would know that I would be the right for her and that she was never supposed to leave me. I wanted to start at the bottom, so first I took care of her feet. I took one of these large scissors you use to cut hedges. I took care of her big toe first. Blood was spilling, a bit too much for me so I took a towel and cleaned up a bit. While I was looking closer I wondered if I was really making out a tiny bone sticking out of her foot’s skin. I didn’t like it so I took care of it too. I did the same with three of her other four toes of her left foot. I was wondering if you could actually drink blood, so I took a sponge and squeezed the blood I had cleaned up into an empty glass. It was fine. I didn’t want to be rude so I saved some for her for the time she would wake up.

‘During the first nights in the cell I lay me down to sleep and prayed: that you would hold me . Though I was far away I whispered your name into the sky, and I would wake up happy. A lie, my mother was never there for me.'

It all got a little exhausting for me, (now I understand why women need so long in the bathroom. Good looks just take time.) so I took a break. I went to the kitchen to grab a banana and a fork I wanted to use later. I was only away for about a minute when I heard Melanie scream, I hadn’t planned yet for her to wake up, it was supposed to be a surprise. Unfortunately the only way to make her silent and go back to sleep again was to get a little tight around her neck. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.
There was no point in continuing with my surprise, she had already seen it and would probably have laughed at my half-assed attempt and left when she woke up. I felt exhausted, I went upstairs to my room to get some sleep. You wouldn’t believe what I saw when I woke up. Melanie was still downstairs, lying in her bed, her cute eyes wide open, as if waiting for me! It was the best feeling I ever had! She didn’t say much but it wasn’t neccessary, I knew we would be together forever. I also made arrangements so I could see her in almost every place of my house. I kept her warm body in my bed, her hand on the couch, her legs in my wardrobe next to my Batman-costume, and her fair face greeted me every time I opened the fridge.

'If you never got the feeling of just taking a gun and shoot into a mass of random people then you belong in that mass. I am not a monster. Some people just fall under the system.'

It’s been a while now and I must admit that not everything has been going very well with us lately. Melanie keeps her smiley face but she feels apart and distant to me.
I went out of the house the other day and everything seemed so strange. Like all the people, animals, plants, even buildings had an aura of their own. I went to a pub Melanie and I used to visit, but it’s not the same without her. I’ve been feeling quite depressed lately but there’s hope for improvement. So, don’t fear uncle Evan, I won’t be alone for long. I’ve met a new person in my life. Her name is Natalie.

(1380 words)


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