02 December 2007

Top 10 reasons of why Half-Life: Portal is a girl's game

I came to a conclusion while attempting to build my own Weighted Companion Cube. Half-Life: Portal is a girl's game! here are my reasons why (and a sad attempt of trying to be funny):

10. The protagonist is female. Although, from my World of Warcraft-experience I get the impression that boys kind of like that.

9. The protagonist is not sexy

(This one is generally prefered by the male audience)

8. The portals are orange and blue, every women's favorite make-up color.

7. A cube with hearts on it is the player's best friend.

6. There are no real female hardcore-gamers, so the game is just about long enough with 2-3 hours playtime.

5. Cute turrets are the only effective menace in the game.

4. Thanks to the portals women can marvel at themselves from every possible angle.

3. Portal picks the female inferiority complex as central theme.
(GLaDOS: "You have no friends! Nobody likes you!")

2. Women like it more complex, that's why there is never a direct exit route.

1. The game is not really violent :-(
(Shit! Wrong picture!)

Here's a link to someone who actually agrees with me, with a little more insight on the actual gameplay. (Click!)


  1. wow. Your something alright. I don't know if I should be angry or if I should just feel sorry for you, because the number of girls you will never sleep with is just STAGGERING. good luck with that.

  2. I think you said it was your 'attempt to be funy' to cover up for being a raging sexist. No hard-core girl gamers?? Clearly, you just don't get out often enough to have ever met more than 2 or 3 girls in your whole life. This whole blog essentially cluminates to one, real point: boys are dumbed down and desensitized to the point where they can't play anything that isn't filled with sex and violence. Good. Job.

  3. Wow, someone is actually reading this stuff and finding it meaningful enough to comment on it :D

    No, you absolutely did not get the point, which was sarcasm. I have played Portal myself and I loved it. I was trying to pick on both stereotypes, the young boys who play way too many violent video games and the girls that play only pony and barbie games. I understand (and "have met", naturally) males that like non-violent games as much as violent ones (I can only mention myself again as the best example: I like The Sims as much as GTA), and girls that play Counter-Strike or Halo.

    You can say I failed at my attempt at trying to be funny, but I'm not a sexist.

    Thanks for visiting my blog, it will motivate me to write more often.

  4. Funny, yes. I do have to agree that this would be true with the majority of girls I know. No girl hard-core gamers though?



  5. Hahaha I play games non-stop. and I happen to own a vagina.

  6. ...which barely anyone else ever played with. just kidding :D

    Anyway. Since people seem to be interested more in offensive topics than any other gaming-post on this blog I'm considering posting more stuff like this. Thanks for feeding.

  7. One thing is certain;
    This is filled with trolling.
    If you don't like criticism OutsiderXE, quit bitchin' about it since thats the friggen point of blogging; not just to write a really crap blog, but to listen to the god-damn reviews!
    If people say you're wrong; You're wrong. Reason being is; This Blog IS Sexist, and no amount of 'sarcasm' or 'joking' or 'OMG, You're such a *insert inapropriate word here*' will cover that bunch of bull up!
    Everyone can play games and there is absolutely NO reason to blog about gamer stereotyping, because it makes you like such a friggen dick.

  8. You probably wouldn't notice but I have to agree to your comments before they show up publically, and so far I haven't rejected one single comment.

  9. Point 9: The protagonist is SO sexy! At least to lesbians and bi girls. She has that scruffy dyke look that drives us wild.
    And you're right about the cute enemies. The first time my boyfriend played it, he called me in to show me; he was cooing over the turrets. xD